Forbidden Fruit

Spouse served idli with sambhar and coconut chutney for breakfast. Excellent idli, soft and fluffy, but sambhar tastes different today, I observed, and after a little pause added, ‘I don’t see any tomato in it.’

‘That’s because I can’t see any tomato in the fridge,’ pat came her reply. When did you last buy tomatoes, she asked?

I buy from Amazon stuff like arabica coffee powder roasted and ground at Chikkamagaluru for home espresso, and fresh fruits from Bittan market if it happens to be on my route to town. Spouse handles vegetable procurement, mostly from the vendor who brings his hand-kart to our doorsteps. He no longer sells tomatoes.

I had read about the sky-high price of tomatoes, but had not anticipated that it would also change the taste of our humble sambhar.

Did you read the newspaper today, I asked? Central government is selling tomatoes at Delhi online through ONDC at 70 rupees a kilo. Shall I ask our children to buy a few kilos and courier it to us? We may even sell some to our neighbours at 150 rupees a kilo, which is less than the market price at Bhopal, and make a small profit? Or, we may go over and spend a few days with them till tomato prices cool down here? We haven’t visited them in a while, and they must be missing your delectable dishes. Also, we might witness an Indian La Tomatina  festival at Delhi with Kejriwal likely to sell tomatoes at 60 rupees or less a kilo.

As usual, my bright ideas were unceremoniously junked by Spouse. No sooner do I open my mouth to share a fresh bright idea, she is ready with the broom to sweep it away.

You have been reading a lot on Lord Jagannatha, and have written a little, too. Don’t you know that His chappan bhog excludes all videshi vegetables including tomato and potato? If the Lord of the Universe can do without tomatoes, why can’t we?  

Tomato is a videshi fruit, and was brought to India by the Portuguese. That makes it an imperial, colonial product, fit to be boycotted. Think local, eat local. We got tamarind, amchur, curd, and many other souring agents.

That concluded our sour and saucy discussion at breakfast; and as always, she had the last say!*

~~~

A Limerick

Darling, said hubby, I had a dream,

In a tomato soup sea of a savoury swim;

Said Spouse: why not dream better,

To make us richer, and

Get real tomatoes, not a stupid dream?

~~~

Petition by a Princess

 A ripe, red, fleshy, and flashy tomato was ushered into King Mango’s Court, and submitted:

Much slight have I, Princess of Peru, suffered,

Rather cheaply offered,

By street-sellers-pimps dumped on the ground,

Though I am plump, fleshy, and round;

My rightful place as a fruit be now restored.

 

King Mango (KM): Oh, I see. If a fruit, why aren’t you in this stall, my Court of Fruits?

Princes of Peru (PP): Banish any doubt, I’m a FRUIT. Please ask your Minister to check with a Botanist.

Minister Papaya (MP): Of course, she is a fruit; but the Supreme Court of United States ruled in 1893 that she is a vegetable.

PP: Well, that was for taxation purpose only, and doesn’t prove botany wrong. I’m the fruit of a flower, and have all those seeds inside me to prove my fruit-ness.

KM: Very well, I feel happy for you; but why are you dumped on the ground – it’s not very hygienic down there so close to the drains, you know – and not placed in the fruit stall?

PP: Pure politics, that’s what it is. Lesser fruits have conspired to prevent my entry into the Fruit-stall Club, some sort of black-balling, I suspect. I’m the State Fruit of Ohio and Tennessee.

MP: Lord Mango, our King, is the National Fruit of India, Pakistan, and Philippines. Are you the National Fruit of any country?

PP: What if no country has chosen me as their National Fruit or Vegetable, I’m the most popular fruit in the world. Pardon my impertinence, but King Mango is not among the five most popular fruits in the world!

KM: Congrats. I’m glad you feel good about it. Never thought of entering that contest. But I’m told Buddha, Alexander, Akbar, Jahangir, and many others were crazy for me, as are most people around the world.

PP: Italian, Spaniards, Americans, and the rest of the world are crazy for me. How about that? Can you think of lasagna or pizza or even a hamburger without tomato sauce, or a decent sandwich or salad without me?

Let me come to the point.

MP: All you said till now is pointless?!

PP: Laugh all you may; but when did you last check the prices? Mango is now cheaper than me. Folks can afford to buy mango, but only the rich can afford to savour me.

KM: I don’t worry too much about the price. I offer so many varieties that the poorest can also afford to taste me; and in the forests and the rural hinterland, I’m still free to savour from nature at zero cost.

PP: Have you heard about La Tomatina?

KM: Yes, I heard of that funny festival in Spain where they throw and waste tonnes of tomatoes. Thank God, no one thinks of throwing away a good mango.

(Painting of a Tomato in the style of Pablo Picasso by BING Image Creator, powered by DALL-E.)

(Oil Painting of a Mango in the style of Jamini Roy by BING Image Creator, powered by DALL-E.)

PP: Have you been reading the news? Now, I have the honour of being sold at PDS outlets by the Central government, no less!

KM: Thank God, I’m spared the ignominy.

PP: Why is that an insult?

KM: If you’re sold at 70 rupees a kilo, doesn’t that mean that people are willing to pay only that much and no more!

PP: Aren’t you also sold about that price?

KM: Yes, I serve folks with different wallet sizes. Heard of alphonso which sells for 1800 rupees or more a dozen?

MP: Princess, have you seen the majestic canopy of the mango tree? Buddha held his discourses in mango orchards. Do you know why? Because these premises are air-cooled even in the height of summer.

Mango leaves are auspicious and are placed on a pot in front of the puja alcove to invite the gods to reside there. Also, the leaves make auspicious festoons to welcome gods and mortals to pious ceremonies and events.

Mango is a huge, much-loved, and venerated tree. Tomato is a small plant, and its stems and leaves are poisonous.

KM: Minister Papaya, what do you suggest? Should we admit Princess of Peru to our Court?

MP: Lord Mango, PP’s petition has much merit, but can’t be accepted since Your Excellency’s Court of Fruits doesn’t at present have enough chairs to accommodate new members. If we go by merely by botany and disregard culture and tradition; we must admit bhindi, baingan, kakdi, kaddu, and matar, too; all of which are fruits but called vegetables.

***

28/07/23

Today, I came across this cartoon by R.K.Laxman, drawn decades ago, and it brought a smile to my lips. My homage to India's greatest cartoonist. First thing I read from the 'Times of India' daily was Laxman's cartoon on front page.

* A Word to Husbands by Ogden Nash

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.