Gandhi Jayanti 2020

On 2nd October 2020, a grateful nation celebrated Gandhi Jayanti with the usual festivity tempered with solemnity, and paid homage to the Father of the Nation.

However, several ‘Sensitive Developments’; called SD, in deference to governmental preference for acronyms, had taken place early in the morning, and could jeopardise Internal Security. Hence, the Crisis Management Group, or CMG in the Home Ministry, held an immediate video-conference. A physical meeting was avoided owing to the pandemic protocol, and the members were connected at their homes through a highly secure line for review of the unfolding situation.

Cyber-security breached (SD 1)

Exactly at 4.00 a.m., smart phones of select VVIPs, VIPs, and IPs (Important Persons) had received three identical WhatsApp messages: a picture of the Mahatma’s ‘Three Monkeys’; an audio clip of Gandhi’s favourite bhajan ‘Raghupati Raghava Raja Ram’; and a message with ‘HEY RAM’ written in Hindi, Gujarati, and English, and signed ‘Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi’.

All the messages had been sent by ‘Bapu’, whose profile picture on WhatsApp had a photo of Mahatma’s famous pair of spectacles.

A research team promptly solved the riddle of the pre-dawn message at 4.00 a.m. Mahatma Gandhi always woke up at 3.30 a.m., finished his morning ablutions, and began his morning prayer at 4.00 a.m. The prankster had done his research on Gandhiji’s routine and had sent the message at 4.00 a.m. to make it appear as though Bapu himself had sent these messages the first thing on Gandhi Jayanti!

CMG concluded that this constituted a very serious security breach. Involvement of Chinese and/or Pak hackers was suspected. A high-level technical team was deployed to fix the breach ASAP, and ensure that no VVIP, VIP, or IP number is accessed by unauthorised persons.

Gandhi statue weeps (SD 2)

Gandhiji’s statue in the Parliament complex in New Delhi had been found weeping.

Hon’ble Speaker was scheduled to garland the statue at 7.00 a.m. At 6.00 a.m., NDMC safai team had given the statue a thorough bath and scrub, using herbal and organic detergent sourced from KVIC, and had wiped it dry with a new khadi towel, also bought from KVIC. A safai karmi noticed Gandhiji was weeping. When this was reported to the supervisor, he flew into a rage, and shouted at the said safai karmi, ‘Are you drunk so early in the morning? Have some shame. Today is a No Liquor Day. Don’t be a kamchor. Wipe the face properly.’ He also used a few ‘unparliamentary’ words, which it is deemed inappropriate to report on this august day.

The safai karmi wiped the face dry again. After a minute, he told the supervisor, ‘Ab aap hi dekh lijiye.’

A strange phenomenon. Gandhiji was, indeed, weeping. It could be clearly seen that tear drops were trickling down his cheeks. The matter was reported at once to the Speaker, the HM, and the PM.

CMG immediately sent a team of scientists to examine if any chemical, with property to liquefy slowly, had been applied to the eyes. A bomb disposal squad was also sent to search for IEDs, if any.

Incident at Rajghat (SD 3)

Something strange had happened at Rajghat, too, which had been opened at 6.00 a.m. Additional security personnel had been deployed in view of the scheduled visits of the President, the PM, and other VVIPs to pay their respects. VVIPs began arriving as per schedule, and offered bouquets and wreaths, bought by their respective offices, to the Father of the Nation. However, as soon as the VVIPs departed after placing their wreaths, garlands or flowers on the samadhi; the offerings were thrown off the samadhi to lay scattered all over the ground in a most unseemly fashion.

Vandalism by hooligans of opposition parties was suspected, but analysis of CCTV footage revealed that there had been no mischief. After a VVIP left, a powerful gust of wind came, and scattered the flowers on the ground. Rather unusual, since the weather was fine, and the wind speed normal.

Vandalism at Sabarmati Ashram (SD 4)

When Sabarmati Ashram was opened in the morning for sweeping and dusting, the Visitors Book (VB) had been found open. Someone had played a prank at night, or early in the morning. ‘HEY RAM’ had been written in Gujarati and signed Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi. As per CCTV footage, there had been no unauthorised access to the Ashram last night. The Security Guards had also noticed nothing unusual. VB is kept outside the main museum hall and not covered by CCTV. Hence, the identity of the mysterious signatory could not be readily established. Maybe a prank by an insider! Investigation was under progress.

The Visitor Book had been seized. POTUS TRUMP had made the following memorable entry, in ALL CAPS, in this VB on 24th February 2020:

TO MY GREAT FRIEND

PRIME MINISTER MODI –

THANK YOU FOR THIS

WONDERFUL VISIT!

Donald Trump and Melania Trump had signed the VB.

The vandalization of such a historic VB could shake the foundations of the great friendship between PMOI and POTUS, and could also adversely affect Indo-US relations. This was, therefore, a very serious matter, and a Sensitive Development.

Bapu at Bulgarhi, Hathras (SD 5)

Curfew had been imposed on 1st October 2020 in Bulgarhi village, near to Hathras. All villagers had been ordered to stay at their homes. Their mobile phones had been seized. No one was permitted to go out of the village, none allowed to visit. No media personnel. No politicians.

The body had been consigned to flames at 2.30 a.m., an auspicious time, on 2nd October, an auspicious day, in the presence of a distant relative of the deceased, and a video had been made for official records. The very helpful district administration bore all the costs for the cremation.

At 8.00 a.m., a media channel at Lucknow flashed a ‘Breaking News’ with bold banner headlines and live video footage. At Bulgarhi, the children had disregarded the curfew, and had assembled under the enormous banyan tree at the far end of the village to celebrate Gandhi Jayanti on their own, without the supervision of any teacher or any other adult.

On the chabutara under the banyan tree, they had put a chatai, a plaster of Paris statuette of Bapu’s Three Monkeys, a pair of khadaus, and a pair of spectacles. 

The children were sitting on the damp ground, wearing masks- thin cotton towels and dupattas- and maintaining social distance in strict deference to the pandemic protocol. They were singing Bapuji’s favourite bhajan ‘Raghupati Raghava Raja Ram’. It looked as if they were following the cue by the lead singer, but no one was on the chabutara, only the chatai, and the items the children had placed there! While singing, all the children were weeping, some sobbing, with a few wailing inconsolably. The area around the pair of spectacles on the platform was damp, as though the invisible singer was weeping.

The top authorities at Lucknow dismissed it as fake news and claimed that the video of some past programme in another village had been doctored and aired to discredit the government. A large police contingent, headed by the Deputy SP himself, was present in the village, and no untoward incident had been reported. Situation was tense but under control. No media had been permitted to visit the village. Phones of all the villagers had been seized, and internet had also been disconnected. Hence, the video footage was fake, and had been circulated by the opposition to vitiate the law-and-order situation in the state.

At 8.15 a.m., the wireless set at Bulgarhi crackled and delivered a message from the PHQ: Dy. SP at the ground zero to call DGP Sa’ab at once on his mobile number. Dy. SP abandoned his breakfast of hot, crisp jalebis dipped in a tall glass of milk, sprang up from his chair, and called DGP Sa’ab on the given mobile number.

‘Pranam, Sa’ab, mouke se DSP arz kar raha hum. Hukm karen, Zanab.’

DGP came straight to the point. ‘Why have the children assembled under the banyan tree? Who brought them there? Why haven’t you strictly enforced the curfew?’

‘Sir, sab khairiyat hai, Sir. Situation is tense but totally under control. Body has been disposed of. All the villagers are in their homes. The children are just celebrating Gandhi Jayanti, Sir.’

‘Did you permit this celebration? Despite the curfew?’

‘No, Sir. No one had applied for permission. None was granted. But early in the morning the school children had gone around the village in a prabhat pheri, singing bhajans. It has been ascertained that the school children celebrated Gandhi Jayanti every year in this manner.’

‘Now, don’t be stupid. This is a conspiracy. Someone is behind this mischief. I suspect some foul play. Who sent the video clip to Lucknow? A media channel is airing “Breaking News” with live video footage. Go to the site at once and report the status to me. Go, NOW.’

Dy. SP rushed to the site, took stock of the situation, and called back DGP Sa’ab after fifteen minutes. 

‘You’re correct, Sir. Something unusual is happening there. All the children are singing, with folded palms, “Raghupati Raghava…”. I also saw each child going up to the chabutara, doing a shastang before the pair of khadaus, and returning to take her seat. The children are most disciplined, Sir, and the gathering poses no threat to law and order, Shriman.’

‘Are the children only from the dalit community?’ asked DGP.

‘No, Sir. savarn kids are also present.’

‘Are the savarn and dalit kids sitting in separate huddles?’

‘No, Sir. All of them are sitting together, though maintaining social distance.’

‘Is it true that the children are weeping?’

‘Yes, Sir.’

‘Why?’

‘No idea, Sir. But we haven’t slapped, or even scolded the children, Sir.’

‘Did you seize the video camera?’

‘Talaash zari hai, Shriman.’

‘Have the children gone home?’

‘Koshish zari hai, Shriman.’

‘Stop this nautanki at once. Find the hidden video cam, seize it forthwith, send the children home, and arrest the miscreants. Report compliance ASAP.’

Dy. SP reported to DGP after half an hour.

‘The children have gone home, Sir. The chatai, and items on the chabutara have been seized.’

‘Did you nab the miscreants and find the hidden camera?’

‘No camera found till now, Sir. Four constables are currently on the banyan tree, combing all the branches and leaves. No adult was present anywhere near, Sir. But taftish zari hai.’

‘How did the children disperse? I hope no force was used.’

‘None, Sir.’

‘They were gently persuaded to return home?’

‘A constable on duty, at the back of the gathering, suddenly spotted a snake, and tried to kill it with his lathi. The dispersal was most peaceful, and voluntary, Sir.’

Burj Khalifa Lighting (SD 6)

A ‘Top Secret’ cypher message had been received from India’s Ambassador in UAE. It had been learnt from informal, but reliable sources, that UAE had decided to light up Burj Khalifa at Dubai this evening. To commemorate Gandhi Jayanti, two holographic images of the Mahatma would be beamed on to the building- a full-length image of the Mahatma on the March with his walking stick, and another in sitting posture, spinning the Charkha.

Some foreign-affairs specialists were convinced that the special lighting was neither an innocuous nor a friendly gesture. It amounted to UAE reminding India of Mahatma Gandhi’s legacy, and hence, an insult cunningly and diplomatically delivered. Most likely, Pakistan was behind this ‘game’ to embarrass India before the global community.

The matter being very sensitive was at once reported to FM and PM. Owing to likely global ramifications, Joint Secretary (Middle East) was directed to forthwith summon Ambassador of UAE to India for a ‘briefing’. The Ambassador was equivalent in rank to the JS, hence it was not required for the Foreign Secretary to meet the Ambassador. When the Ambassador arrived, the JS extended cordial greetings of the People of India to the friendly People of UAE, and thereafter, came straight to the issue at hand.

‘Your Excellency, we are delighted that Burj Khalifa is being lit up this evening to commemorate Gandhi Jayanti. We much appreciate this wonderful gesture from your great country, but would have appreciated it even more had we been informed about this, in advance, through formal channels.’

‘Thank you, Excellency, for hosting tea for me in your august office this afternoon. We’re happy to meet and discuss matters of mutual respect, even at brief notice such as this one. We sincerely believe that Mahatma Gandhi, Bapuji, the Father of the Nation, was an eminent son of India, and also of the entire world. We further understand that South Africa has installed statues of the Mahatma at Johannesburg and other places, and hosts several events in honour of the Mahatma; and India has never found it amiss, or has called His Excellency, the High Commissioner of South Africa to India for “briefing”. However, UAE would take due note of your sensitivity on the matter. I assure you I would recommend to my Government to refrain from projecting the Mahatma’s holographic image on Burj Khalifa or elsewhere in the future. But I take this opportunity to further assure your Excellency that Mahatma Gandhi and his ideals remain very dear to our heart.’

After reviewing the status on all these SDs, the CMG addressed and resolved these matters in the following manner:

SD 1- WhatsApp messages by ‘Bapu’ had originated from outside India, but carried no country code. Definitely the work of enemies of India intent upon defiling the legacy of Bapuji! It was an obvious case of hacking. The breach must be plugged at once, and impregnable cyber security provided to VVIPs, and VIPs ASAP, and to IPs in due course.

SD 2- NMDC’s fire-tender, already in position, would sprinkle water on the statue every 30 minutes, or earlier if needed. As a mark of special respect to Gandhiji, and also in view of the sultry and humid weather.

SD 3- Two plain-clothes policemen had already been deployed at the samadhi to remove, with due respect, the wreaths, garlands, and flowers as soon as the VVIPs departed. The ground had been swept afresh and was now free of flower or litter. The problem stood resolved.

SD 4- The Visitor Book with the unauthorised entry had been seized and sent for forensic examination of handwriting to the government-authorised institute at Pune. Sample signatures of all employees of the Ashram, including the security guards and safai staff, had also been sent for forensic analysis. A new VB had been placed for use by legitimate visitors. Now, the VB is under CCTV coverage, and no such mischief can be committed again.

SD 5- Dy. SP, present at the site, had reported that the children had dispersed voluntarily, with no use of force. He had been directed to find the hidden camera, seize it, find the villains behind the mischief, and arrest them on charges of polluting young and impressionable minds.  

SD 6- JS, MEA had already ‘briefed’ Ambassador of UAE. It had been confirmed that UAE, a friendly country, had decided on the special lighting of Burj Khalifa on its own, with no instigation from Pakistan or China. Foreign Secretary had reported that there was no irony in UAE honouring the legacy of Mahatma Gandhi. Matter had been satisfactorily resolved.

After the high-level inquiry, and detailed deliberations, it was concluded that SD 1 was enemy action, and the SDs from serial numbers 2 to 5, were frauds committed by the opposition to divert attention from the Government’s spectacular achievements in tackling COVID-19, reviving the economy, keeping at bay the evil designs of China and Pakistan, and the bold reforms in the agriculture sector through promulgation of three revolutionary Farm Laws to double the income of all farmers in the country in the foreseeable future. SD 6 was a friendly gesture and didn’t constitute any threat to India’s global reputation and image.

Gandhi Jayanti 2020 passed off peacefully, without any untoward incident, and with due homage paid to Bapuji, the Father of the Nation.

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Glossary

Ab aap hi dekh lijiye – Come, and take a look yourself.

Bapu- Gandhi Ji is also fondly called Bapu or Father

Bhajan-prayer

Chabutara- raised platform

Charkha-a spinning wheel to make thread out of cotton

Chatai-a mat

Dalit-belonging to the Scheduled caste

DGP-Director General of Police

Dy. SP-Deputy Superintendent of Police

Gandhi Jayanti-Gandhi Birth Anniversary

HEY RAM- Literally, O, Ram; the last words of Gandhi after being shot.

Jalebi-an Indian sweetmeat

Kamchor- shirker

Khadau-wooden sandals

Khadi-hand-woven coarse cotton cloth

Koshish zari hai, Shriman-Sir, we’re taking all necessary measures.

KVIC-Khadi and Village Industries Commission

Mahatma-Gandhi is revered as Mahatma, a Great Soul.

NDMC-New Delhi Municipal Corporation

PHQ-Police Head Quarters

prabhat pheri- a morning procession, usually with the accompaniment of devotional songs and music

Pranam, Sa’ab, mouke se DSP arz kar raha hum. Hukm karen, Zanab- Salutations, Sir. DSP reporting from the spot. Your orders, please?

Raghupati Raghava Raja Ram- Gandhi Ji’s favourite prayer

Sa’ab- Short for Sahib, or Sir

sab khairiyat hai-All okay

Safai karmi-sanitation worker

Sashtang-prostration

Samadhi-grave

Savarn- belonging to a higher caste

Shriman- an honorific, and a synonym for ‘Sir’

Taftish zari hai-Investigations are under way

Talaash zari hai, Shriman- Sir, the search is ongoing.

Three Monkeys- Gandhi’s famous visual metaphor: ‘Three Monkeys’ represent- See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil.

Zanab-an honorific to address a highly respected person or official

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Note: 

• Author's profile may be seen at http://amazon.com/author/pkdash
• Books by this author are available on Amazon.in, Kindle eBook, Flipkart, and Notion Press, Chennai.

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