Gandhi Jayanti 2020
On 2nd October 2020, a grateful nation
celebrated Gandhi Jayanti with the usual festivity tempered with solemnity, and
paid homage to the Father of the Nation.
However, several ‘Sensitive
Developments’; called SD, in deference to governmental preference for acronyms,
had taken place early in the morning, and could jeopardise Internal Security.
Hence, the Crisis Management Group, or CMG in the Home Ministry, held an
immediate video-conference. A physical meeting was avoided owing to the
pandemic protocol, and the members were connected at their homes through a
highly secure line for review of the unfolding situation.
Cyber-security breached (SD 1)
Exactly at 4.00 a.m., smart phones of
select VVIPs, VIPs, and IPs (Important Persons) had received three identical
WhatsApp messages: a picture of the Mahatma’s
‘Three Monkeys’; an audio clip of
Gandhi’s favourite bhajan ‘Raghupati Raghava Raja Ram’; and a
message with ‘HEY RAM’ written in
Hindi, Gujarati, and English, and signed ‘Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi’.
All the messages had been sent by ‘Bapu’, whose profile picture on WhatsApp
had a photo of Mahatma’s famous pair of spectacles.
A research team promptly solved the
riddle of the pre-dawn message at 4.00 a.m. Mahatma Gandhi always woke up at
3.30 a.m., finished his morning ablutions, and began his morning prayer at 4.00
a.m. The prankster had done his research on Gandhiji’s routine and had sent the
message at 4.00 a.m. to make it appear as though Bapu himself had sent these
messages the first thing on Gandhi Jayanti!
CMG concluded that this constituted a
very serious security breach. Involvement of Chinese and/or Pak hackers was
suspected. A high-level technical team was deployed to fix the breach ASAP, and
ensure that no VVIP, VIP, or IP number is accessed by unauthorised persons.
Gandhi statue weeps (SD 2)
Gandhiji’s statue in the Parliament
complex in New Delhi had been found weeping.
Hon’ble Speaker was scheduled to
garland the statue at 7.00 a.m. At 6.00 a.m., NDMC safai team had given the statue a thorough bath and scrub, using
herbal and organic detergent sourced from KVIC, and had wiped it dry with a new
khadi towel, also bought from
KVIC. A safai karmi noticed Gandhiji was weeping. When
this was reported to the supervisor, he flew into a rage, and shouted at the
said safai karmi, ‘Are you drunk so early in the morning? Have some shame.
Today is a No Liquor Day. Don’t be a kamchor.
Wipe the face properly.’ He also used a few ‘unparliamentary’ words, which it
is deemed inappropriate to report on this august day.
The safai karmi wiped the face dry
again. After a minute, he told the supervisor, ‘Ab aap hi dekh lijiye.’
A strange phenomenon. Gandhiji was,
indeed, weeping. It could be clearly seen that tear drops were trickling down
his cheeks. The matter was reported at once to the Speaker, the HM, and the PM.
CMG immediately sent a team of
scientists to examine if any chemical, with property to liquefy slowly, had
been applied to the eyes. A bomb disposal squad was also sent to search for
IEDs, if any.
Incident at Rajghat (SD 3)
Something strange had happened at
Rajghat, too, which had been opened at 6.00 a.m. Additional security personnel
had been deployed in view of the scheduled visits of the President, the PM, and
other VVIPs to pay their respects. VVIPs began arriving as per schedule, and
offered bouquets and wreaths, bought by their respective offices, to the Father
of the Nation. However, as soon as the VVIPs departed after placing their
wreaths, garlands or flowers on the samadhi;
the offerings were thrown off the samadhi to lay scattered all over the ground
in a most unseemly fashion.
Vandalism by hooligans of opposition
parties was suspected, but analysis of CCTV footage revealed that there had
been no mischief. After a VVIP left, a powerful gust of wind came, and
scattered the flowers on the ground. Rather unusual, since the weather was
fine, and the wind speed normal.
Vandalism at Sabarmati Ashram (SD 4)
When Sabarmati Ashram was opened in
the morning for sweeping and dusting, the Visitors Book (VB) had been found
open. Someone had played a prank at night, or early in the morning. ‘HEY RAM’
had been written in Gujarati and signed Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi. As per CCTV
footage, there had been no unauthorised access to the Ashram last night. The
Security Guards had also noticed nothing unusual. VB is kept outside the main
museum hall and not covered by CCTV. Hence, the identity of the mysterious signatory
could not be readily established. Maybe a prank by an insider! Investigation
was under progress.
The Visitor Book had been seized.
POTUS TRUMP had made the following memorable entry, in ALL CAPS, in this VB on
24th February 2020:
TO MY GREAT FRIEND
PRIME MINISTER MODI –
THANK YOU FOR THIS
WONDERFUL VISIT!
Donald Trump and Melania Trump had
signed the VB.
The vandalization of such a historic
VB could shake the foundations of the great friendship between PMOI and POTUS,
and could also adversely affect Indo-US relations. This was, therefore, a very
serious matter, and a Sensitive Development.
Bapu at Bulgarhi, Hathras (SD 5)
Curfew had been imposed on 1st October
2020 in Bulgarhi village, near to Hathras. All villagers had been ordered
to stay at their homes. Their mobile phones had been seized. No one was permitted
to go out of the village, none allowed to visit. No media personnel. No
politicians.
The body had been consigned to flames
at 2.30 a.m., an auspicious time, on 2nd October, an auspicious day, in the
presence of a distant relative of the deceased, and a video had been made for
official records. The very helpful district administration bore all the costs
for the cremation.
At 8.00 a.m., a media channel at
Lucknow flashed a ‘Breaking News’ with bold banner headlines and live video
footage. At Bulgarhi, the children had disregarded the curfew, and had
assembled under the enormous banyan tree at the far end of the village to
celebrate Gandhi Jayanti on their own, without the supervision of any teacher
or any other adult.
On the chabutara under the banyan tree, they had put a chatai, a plaster of Paris statuette of
Bapu’s Three Monkeys, a pair of khadaus,
and a pair of spectacles.
The children were sitting on the damp
ground, wearing masks- thin cotton towels and dupattas- and maintaining social distance in strict deference to
the pandemic protocol. They were singing Bapuji’s favourite bhajan ‘Raghupati Raghava Raja Ram’. It looked
as if they were following the cue by the lead singer, but no one was on the chabutara, only the chatai, and the items the children had placed there! While singing,
all the children were weeping, some sobbing, with a few wailing inconsolably.
The area around the pair of spectacles on the platform was damp, as though the
invisible singer was weeping.
The top authorities at Lucknow
dismissed it as fake news and claimed that the video of some past programme in
another village had been doctored and aired to discredit the government. A
large police contingent, headed by the Deputy SP himself, was present in the
village, and no untoward incident had been reported. Situation was tense but
under control. No media had been permitted to visit the village. Phones of all the
villagers had been seized, and internet had also been disconnected. Hence, the
video footage was fake, and had been circulated by the opposition to vitiate
the law-and-order situation in the state.
At 8.15 a.m., the wireless set at
Bulgarhi crackled and delivered a message from the PHQ: Dy. SP at the ground
zero to call DGP Sa’ab at once on his mobile number. Dy. SP abandoned his
breakfast of hot, crisp jalebis
dipped in a tall glass of milk, sprang up from his chair, and called DGP Sa’ab on the given mobile number.
‘Pranam, Sa’ab, mouke se DSP arz kar raha hum.
Hukm karen, Zanab.’
DGP came straight to the point. ‘Why
have the children assembled under the banyan tree? Who brought them there? Why
haven’t you strictly enforced the curfew?’
‘Sir, sab khairiyat hai, Sir. Situation is tense but totally under
control. Body has been disposed of. All the villagers are in their homes. The
children are just celebrating Gandhi Jayanti, Sir.’
‘Did you permit this celebration?
Despite the curfew?’
‘No, Sir. No one had applied for
permission. None was granted. But early in the morning the school children had
gone around the village in a prabhat
pheri, singing bhajans. It has been ascertained that the school children
celebrated Gandhi Jayanti every year in this manner.’
‘Now, don’t be stupid. This is a
conspiracy. Someone is behind this mischief. I suspect some foul play. Who
sent the video clip to Lucknow? A media channel is airing “Breaking News” with
live video footage. Go to the site at once and report the status to me.
Go, NOW.’
Dy. SP rushed to the site, took stock
of the situation, and called back DGP Sa’ab after fifteen minutes.
‘You’re correct, Sir. Something
unusual is happening there. All the children are singing, with folded palms,
“Raghupati Raghava…”. I also saw each child going up to the chabutara, doing a shastang before the pair of khadaus,
and returning to take her seat. The children are most disciplined, Sir, and the
gathering poses no threat to law and order, Shriman.’
‘Are the children only from the dalit community?’ asked DGP.
‘No, Sir. savarn kids are also present.’
‘Are the savarn and dalit kids sitting in separate huddles?’
‘No, Sir. All of them are sitting
together, though maintaining social distance.’
‘Is it true that the children are weeping?’
‘Yes, Sir.’
‘Why?’
‘No idea, Sir. But we haven’t slapped,
or even scolded the children, Sir.’
‘Did you seize the video camera?’
‘Talaash
zari hai, Shriman.’
‘Have the children gone home?’
‘Koshish
zari hai, Shriman.’
‘Stop this nautanki at once. Find the hidden video cam, seize it forthwith,
send the children home, and arrest the miscreants. Report compliance ASAP.’
Dy. SP reported to DGP after half an
hour.
‘The children have gone home, Sir. The
chatai, and items on the chabutara have been seized.’
‘Did you nab the miscreants and find
the hidden camera?’
‘No camera found till now, Sir. Four
constables are currently on the banyan tree, combing all the branches and
leaves. No adult was present anywhere near, Sir. But taftish zari hai.’
‘How did the children disperse? I hope
no force was used.’
‘None, Sir.’
‘They were gently persuaded to return
home?’
‘A constable on duty, at the back of
the gathering, suddenly spotted a snake, and tried to kill it with his lathi.
The dispersal was most peaceful, and voluntary, Sir.’
Burj Khalifa Lighting (SD 6)
A ‘Top Secret’ cypher message had been
received from India’s Ambassador in UAE. It had been learnt from informal, but
reliable sources, that UAE had decided to light up Burj Khalifa at Dubai this
evening. To commemorate Gandhi Jayanti, two holographic images of the Mahatma
would be beamed on to the building- a full-length image of the Mahatma on
the March with his walking stick, and another in sitting posture, spinning
the Charkha.
Some foreign-affairs specialists were
convinced that the special lighting was neither an innocuous nor a friendly
gesture. It amounted to UAE reminding India of Mahatma Gandhi’s legacy, and
hence, an insult cunningly and diplomatically delivered. Most likely, Pakistan
was behind this ‘game’ to embarrass India before the global community.
The matter being very sensitive was at
once reported to FM and PM. Owing to likely global ramifications, Joint
Secretary (Middle East) was directed to forthwith summon Ambassador of UAE to
India for a ‘briefing’. The Ambassador was equivalent in rank to the JS, hence
it was not required for the Foreign Secretary to meet the Ambassador. When the
Ambassador arrived, the JS extended cordial greetings of the People of India to
the friendly People of UAE, and thereafter, came straight to the issue at hand.
‘Your Excellency, we are delighted
that Burj Khalifa is being lit up this evening to commemorate Gandhi Jayanti.
We much appreciate this wonderful gesture from your great country, but would
have appreciated it even more had we been informed about this, in advance,
through formal channels.’
‘Thank you, Excellency, for hosting
tea for me in your august office this afternoon. We’re happy to meet and
discuss matters of mutual respect, even at brief notice such as this one. We
sincerely believe that Mahatma Gandhi, Bapuji, the Father of the Nation, was an
eminent son of India, and also of the entire world. We further understand that
South Africa has installed statues of the Mahatma at Johannesburg and other
places, and hosts several events in honour of the Mahatma; and India has never
found it amiss, or has called His Excellency, the High Commissioner of South
Africa to India for “briefing”. However, UAE would take due note of your
sensitivity on the matter. I assure you I would recommend to my Government to
refrain from projecting the Mahatma’s holographic image on Burj Khalifa or
elsewhere in the future. But I take this opportunity to further assure your
Excellency that Mahatma Gandhi and his ideals remain very dear to our heart.’
After reviewing the status on all
these SDs, the CMG addressed and resolved these matters in the following
manner:
SD 1- WhatsApp messages by ‘Bapu’ had
originated from outside India, but carried no country code. Definitely the work
of enemies of India intent upon defiling the legacy of Bapuji! It was an
obvious case of hacking. The breach must be plugged at once, and impregnable
cyber security provided to VVIPs, and VIPs ASAP, and to IPs in due course.
SD 2- NMDC’s fire-tender, already in
position, would sprinkle water on the statue every 30 minutes, or earlier if
needed. As a mark of special respect to Gandhiji, and also in view of the
sultry and humid weather.
SD 3- Two plain-clothes policemen had
already been deployed at the samadhi to remove, with due respect, the wreaths,
garlands, and flowers as soon as the VVIPs departed. The ground had been swept
afresh and was now free of flower or litter. The problem stood resolved.
SD 4- The Visitor Book with the
unauthorised entry had been seized and sent for forensic examination of
handwriting to the government-authorised institute at Pune. Sample signatures
of all employees of the Ashram, including the security guards and safai staff,
had also been sent for forensic analysis. A new VB had been placed for use by
legitimate visitors. Now, the VB is under CCTV coverage, and no such mischief
can be committed again.
SD 5- Dy. SP, present at the site, had
reported that the children had dispersed voluntarily, with no use of force. He
had been directed to find the hidden camera, seize it, find the villains behind
the mischief, and arrest them on charges of polluting young and impressionable
minds.
SD 6- JS, MEA had already ‘briefed’
Ambassador of UAE. It had been confirmed that UAE, a friendly country, had
decided on the special lighting of Burj Khalifa on its own, with no instigation
from Pakistan or China. Foreign Secretary had reported that there was no irony
in UAE honouring the legacy of Mahatma Gandhi. Matter had been satisfactorily
resolved.
After the high-level inquiry, and
detailed deliberations, it was concluded that SD 1 was enemy action, and the
SDs from serial numbers 2 to 5, were frauds committed by the opposition to
divert attention from the Government’s spectacular achievements in tackling
COVID-19, reviving the economy, keeping at bay the evil designs of China and
Pakistan, and the bold reforms in the agriculture sector through promulgation
of three revolutionary Farm Laws to double the income of all farmers in the
country in the foreseeable future. SD 6 was a friendly gesture and didn’t
constitute any threat to India’s global reputation and image.
Gandhi Jayanti 2020 passed off
peacefully, without any untoward incident, and with due homage paid to Bapuji,
the Father of the Nation.
***
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Glossary
Ab aap hi dekh lijiye – Come, and take
a look yourself.
Bapu- Gandhi Ji is also fondly called
Bapu or Father
Bhajan-prayer
Chabutara- raised platform
Charkha-a spinning wheel to make
thread out of cotton
Chatai-a mat
Dalit-belonging to the Scheduled caste
DGP-Director General of Police
Dy. SP-Deputy Superintendent of Police
Gandhi Jayanti-Gandhi Birth
Anniversary
HEY RAM- Literally, O, Ram; the last
words of Gandhi after being shot.
Jalebi-an Indian sweetmeat
Kamchor- shirker
Khadau-wooden sandals
Khadi-hand-woven coarse cotton cloth
Koshish zari hai, Shriman-Sir, we’re
taking all necessary measures.
KVIC-Khadi and Village Industries
Commission
Mahatma-Gandhi is revered as Mahatma,
a Great Soul.
NDMC-New Delhi Municipal Corporation
PHQ-Police Head Quarters
prabhat pheri- a morning procession,
usually with the accompaniment of devotional songs and music
Pranam, Sa’ab, mouke se DSP arz kar
raha hum. Hukm karen, Zanab- Salutations, Sir. DSP reporting from the spot.
Your orders, please?
Raghupati Raghava Raja Ram- Gandhi
Ji’s favourite prayer
Sa’ab- Short for Sahib, or Sir
sab khairiyat hai-All okay
Safai karmi-sanitation worker
Sashtang-prostration
Samadhi-grave
Savarn- belonging to a higher caste
Shriman- an honorific, and a synonym
for ‘Sir’
Taftish zari hai-Investigations are
under way
Talaash zari hai, Shriman- Sir, the
search is ongoing.
Three Monkeys- Gandhi’s famous visual
metaphor: ‘Three Monkeys’ represent- See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil.
Zanab-an honorific to address a highly
respected person or official
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Note:
- Author's profile may be seen at http://amazon.com/author/pkdash
- Books by this author are available on Amazon.in, Kindle eBook, Flipkart, and Notion Press, Chennai.
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