Coffee: Lovelier than a thousand kisses!
Beethoven Special
Years ago, visiting a senior colleague in North Block, I found him in an
expansive mood. No stack of files, no upcoming meeting, and not many phone
calls either. Tea or coffee, he asked? Coffee, I said, and noted that I had
gone up a notch in his estimation, for he proceeded to a side table on which
sat a personal coffee-maker, pressed a button and the machine ground the
desired quantity of coffee.
‘Beans sourced from my favourite plantation estate in the Western Ghats,
and roasted fresh for every cup,’ he mentioned with pride.
Black or white? He asked.
White, please.
‘An expertly made espresso from high quality beans, roasted just right
brings out the true flavour of coffee. Next time, I’d give you black, and you’d
note the difference.’
Not a south Indian, but for sure, he loved his coffee.
Connoisseurs are fastidious about their coffee, but none so much as
Beethoven who was the barista’s nightmare since he insisted on his cup of coffee
made from sixty beans, no more or less!
How Do You Like Your Coffee?
How do you like your coffee – strong or mild; black, latte, mocha, or cappuccino;
with or without sugar; hot or cold; Instant, Filter, or Espresso; Arabica,
Robusta, or Blended? Coffee with Conscience, Fair Trade Coffee? Commodity
Coffee, Specialty, or Third Wave?
Commodity coffee is for the common man, cheapest coffee beans sometimes
blended with chicory, and spray-dried to make instant coffee. A sachet, good
enough for a cup, costs as little as two rupees.
A Specialty coffee is one which receives 80/100 score or more by a
Q-Grader, who is to coffee what a sommelier is to wine.
Third Wave coffee is Single Origin - coffee which can be traced to a
specific plantation estate distinguished by its location, elevation, climate, harvesting
and processing method, crop year, and may also be Organic and Fair Trade-Coffee
with Conscience!
(Cappuccino by Bing Image Creator)
Coffee: Globetrotter
How did the coffee plant native to Africa reach other continents? Of the
many legends about coffee, here are a few interesting ones.
Goatherd’s Discovery
A goatherd in Ethiopia was puzzled at the strange behaviour of his flock after
grazing in a particular area of the forest. After feeding sumptuously, instead
of taking a nap as usual, they frolicked merrily as though in a boisterous dance.
Next day, following the flock, he discovered the red and green berries which
the goats feasted upon. Through this chance discovery, Coffee revealed its
mystique to the world.
Smuggling, Adultery, and Colonial
Commerce
For long, the Arab traders had monopoly over the supply of coffee to Europe
and the rest of the world. Mocha coffee got its name from Port Mocha of Yemen
which supplied to Mecca, Istanbul, Venice, and other trading cities. Yemen
allowed only roasted coffee beans to be exported, with the smuggling of coffee
seeds punishable by death.
A saint is an unlikely smuggler, you may think. But the charismatic seed
tempted Baba Budan, the 17th century Sufi saint from India, on his
way back from Mecca through Port Mocha, to smuggle seven beans buried in his
beard. He planted those seeds in his garden in Chikmagalur hills now known as
Baba Budan Giri.
Francisco de Melo Palheta, a Portuguese Lieutenant Colonel, during his diplomatic mission in 1727 to resolve a border dispute
between French
Guiana and Brazil, had a brief yet tempestuous affair with
the French Governor’s wife who presented a few seeds to her lover as a parting
gift. If this story is true, the Brazilian plantations owe their existence to
the steamy ‘affair.’ Brazil is the largest exporter of coffee in the world!
Coffee plant grows best in suitable conditions – climate,
soil, elevation, rainfall, sun and shade, ambient temperature, etc. – and is
labour-intensive. Colonial empires, with access to suitable land and abundant
cheap labour, established the first commercial plantations and promoted the
global trade in coffee, which is now the second most traded commodity in the
world after fossil fuel.
Coffee: Fun Facts
Coffee is the most popular beverage in world after water with
consumption of 500 billion cups a year.
Wine of Islam
Since coffee, sometimes called the Wine of Islam, made the drinker
excitable, religious establishments frowned upon it. Governor of Mecca banned
it in 1511, but the ban was not effective as Sufi saints used the brew to stay
awake for their nightlong Ibaadat.
Women’s Petition Against Coffee
British
women submitted a Petition in 1674 demanding a ban on the newfangled,
abominable, heathenish, enfeebling liquor called coffee which caused ‘Grand
Inconvenience… to their SEX’ since it made men ‘unfruitful’!
King Charles II banned it in 1675, though not on the grounds cited by the
women in their petition, but on the apprehension that the coffee houses were potential
breeding grounds for dissent and anarchy. He had good reason to feel that way. During
the English Civil War, King Charles I was executed in 1649 and monarchy
abolished, and restored when Charles II was made king in 1660.
Most Expensive Coffee
A cup of home-made coffee may cost a little less than ten rupees, on a
train twenty rupees, at Indian Coffee House seventy, and at Specialty Cafes 300
or more; but the most expensive coffee in the world - Kopi Luwak- would cost $100
(INR 8328) per cup! Why is it so expensive? Because the beans are collected
from the droppings of the Indonesian palm civets who had feasted on the berries.
Allegedly, the digestive juices of the civet lend that unique flavour and taste
to the coffee! Would you still like to sample that coffee?
Adulteration, No; Blending, Yes!
Adding
chicory to coffee was once a crime! Eighty years ago, the then
District Judge, Anantapur, (Then Madras Presidency) A.S.P. Iyer was hearing a
case of coffee powder that was adulterated by adding chicory.
Legendary Madras HC Barrister Nugent Grant argued
that chicory being superior to coffee in quality and taste, it cannot be
said that coffee was "adulterated" with chicory.
Justice A.S.P Iyer countered: “Mr. Grant, in cases
of "adulteration" and "adultery", the plea that the
substitute is better than the original is not valid.''
Subsequently,
blending coffee with chicory was allowed.
Madras
High Court, in its order dated Jan 5, 1955 convicted Parthasarathy Ayyangar and
another under the Madras Prevention of Adulteration Act for selling coffee jars
containing coffee and wild date seeds powder against the permitted ratio of
75:25 for coffee: chicory. The convicted were directed to pay a fine of Rs. 5
each, or in default, to undergo simple imprisonment for 7 days.
Coffee Lexicon
Coffee lexicon is no less varied than the many
varieties of coffee, and the amazingly diverse ways in which this brew is
consumed.
First known use of the word ‘coffee’ is in 1598. Coffee
derives its name from Arabic qahwa and Turkish kahve (Merriam-Webster).
Cappuccino got its name from the colour of the
robes of Capuchin monks of Italy; Mocha from Port Mocha of Yemen which was for
long the monopoly exporter of coffee; Espresso, Venti, and Trenta are words of
Italian origin; Kaapi is distinctly South Indian. Latte or Caffe Latte - an espresso
mixed with hot or steamed milk - comes from the Italian caffelatte, which is
short for caffè e latte (“coffee and milk”).
Iconic ‘Coffee’ Songs
Of the many iconic coffee songs, my favourites are:
“Coffee Houser Sei Adda Ta” * sung by Manna Dey (You
may like to read my previous blog on it. **)
“One More Cup of Coffee” *** by Bob Dylan, a folk song
from 1976 about a couple who are breaking up and share one last cup of coffee
before they part ways.
“You're the cream in my coffee” **** by Nat King Cole.
Lovelier than a thousand kisses!
Johann Sebastian Bach, one of the greatest composers of western classical music, wrote 'Coffee Cantata', a whole opera on coffee about 300 years ago. In this humorous song an exasperated father hectors his daughter to 'get rid of coffee'.
Her reply:"Ah! How sweet coffee tastes! Lovelier than a thousand kisses!"
She insists on having her three cups of coffee a day!
Moby Dick and Starbucks
What has Moby
Dick to do with Starbucks, you may wonder? If you are not keen on
fiction, you may not have read Herman Melville’s Moby Dick, acknowledged
as one of the greatest American novels; but you would of course be familiar
with Starbucks even though you may not be a coffee person.
Starbucks is
now the largest coffee chain in the world – with more than 30000 outlets, but
it began in 1971 as a modest coffee shop near Pike Place market, Seattle. Three
academicians who set it up named the coffee house after Starbuck, a character
in Moby Dick, to recall the voyages associated with coffee trade. Incidentally,
they just wished to deliver the clients a good cup of coffee or tea, and buy
quality spices. They had no ambition to create a global coffee house chain.
But why did
they pick up the name of Starbuck, who was only a foil to Captain Ahab, the
protagonist in the novel? Since the founders have not elaborated on this issue,
we are free to speculate.
What has
whaling to do with coffee? The crew on Pequod, the whaling ship in Moby
Dick, took swigs of a potent brew from a large communal tin jug to work up
a frenzy and rally behind the monomaniacal Captain Ahab in his fatal personal
vengeance against the white whale which had chewed up his left leg.
Coffee
provides a shot of caffein and instantly makes the drinker more alert; it is
claimed. Starbuck is the voice of reason pitted against Captain Ahab who is
driven by obsession. Hopefully, a cup of Starbucks would make the drinker more
sober, sensible, and pragmatic.
Coffee Connoisseurs, BEWARE!
Hi. With
your safety and welfare in mind, I am forwarding the following advisory
received by WhatsApp. Please read till the end and take care of yourself,
especially if you are a resident of Bhopal. Best wishes.
‘Beware! If
you have recently received an invitation to sample a FREE cup of coffee
handcrafted by the Best Barista of Bhopal (BBB) at his Bagh Mugaliya home, think
well before accepting the offer. It may be a bait to ensnare you by the host,
alleged to be a savvy and smooth operator - a refined version of the Jamtara
fraudsters.
Consider the
many tell-tale signs of a scam. Why is the coffee FREE? As you know very well,
nothing comes for FREE, and what is peddled as free has a hidden agenda with
T&C written in several pages, single space, in font-size 8!
If the host
is indeed the BBB he claims to be, why hasn’t he opened a café at DB Mall, or
any other prime location? Is he afraid that clients would soon compare his serving
with that of other leading coffee houses in town, and call his bluff?
Where is
Bagh Mugaliya for heaven’s sake? Open the Google Map given in the invite and you
would find that he does not even live in Bagh Mugaliya , but in Bagh Mugaliya Extension – a decrepit colony of retirees and similar poor folks. Whoever drinks
coffee in that forlorn place?
And how do
you reach his home? Has he mentioned that you need to negotiate a
roller-coaster bumpy, bone-rattling ride on the road which has either potholes
or savage speed breakers with spikes? Has he advised those with back pain to
refrain from undertaking the perilous journey? No, he is silent on that.
There are
other perils, too. Once you are seated in his drawing room, you would note that
he pays little attention to you, peremptorily dismisses your well-thought-out,
weighty observations on serious matters pertaining to your city, state,
country, and the world; but laughs first and loudest at the silliest sound
bites of your beautiful spouse. Get it now? He has a hidden agenda, and coffee
is just a ruse.
Lastly, you
would note, sooner rather than later, that several books authored by him are strategically
placed at corner racks and side-tables (and where do you put your coffee cup?!) of the drawing room. He may not directly ask
you to buy his books, but he expects you - an intelligent guest, and a
voracious reader of non-Best-seller English fiction by non-descript Indian
authors- to take the hint, especially after you have sipped his coffee, said to
be rather good, and are in a generous mood. It is rumoured that he has a large
stock of unsold ‘Author copies’ which his spouse has threatened to sell to the
raddiwallah if not disposed of in the next few weeks.
A lot can
happen over coffee. Beware!’
***
* Link for the song: https://youtu.be/yYKHuW_FS_U
** http://pkdash-author.blogspot.com/2023/07/coffee-houser-sei-adda-ta.html
*** Link for the song: https://youtu.be/95cufW4h-gA?si=2ey4IP-pvkBwQdEU
**** Link for the song: https://youtu.be/cL1Sr7wxqag?si=NSis_Uu4fVb9RCVK
Note:
1. Coffee Cantata by J.S. Bach is available with English sub-titles at
https://youtu.be/nifUBDgPhl4?si=hHQSb4dl21CXr6p8
I am thankful to Sanatan, a friend's son and a connossieur of coffee, for giving me a link to this wonderful composition.
2. G. Subbu, a friend who is an inveterate limerick-maker shared these gems:
Kopi Luwak
A well brewed filter coffee,
Prepared by a die -hard Southie ,
The golden decoction,
Arouses his senses and passion ,
But please don't tell him that the beans came from a civet kitty !
Filter Kaapi
The Mami prefers the top down filter ,
The man of the house likes a bottom up percolator ,
The former drips overnight ,
The latter is brewed in the morning, fresh and bright ,
Ah , the joys of debating with a coffee connoisseur!
Preferred Blend
Decoction of Arabica or Peaberry ,
With a dash of fresh milk from the dairy ,
Morning , afternoon or night ,
Ensures that life is fine and bright ,
Just ensure that you don't blend it with too much chicory !
His preferred blend: Coffee:Chicory - 90:10
Thanks, Subbu.
3.
Oldest Coffee Houses
